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Thursday, March 12, 2009


Listening Skill: An Important Skill to Understand Others and to Respond
  • Listening is an important human skill.
  • It is a subset of communication skills.
  • Every interaction with others as well as self (introspection) involves some degree of listening.
  • Listening strengthens the quality of communication, interpersonal relations, human relations, emotional intelligence, conflict management and team management.
  • Every interaction requires one to respond and quality of listening improves the quality of response.
Hierarchy of Listening

There are two major types of listening:
  1. Listening within the sphere of one's own hsoftware (values, knowledge, paradigms and will to act). This type of listening is supportive of making the listener react, reply, control or manipulate the other person but not necessarily to understand the other person properly to respond or act in the best possible way. For detailed explanation of hsoftware, refer:
  2. Listening within the sphere of other’s hsoftware (overall mental frame). Here the listening is done to understand the other person and not just to react, reply, control or manipulate the other person. By understanding the other person properly, the listener can respond or act in the best possible manner.
In turn, there are five levels of listening within the sphere of one's own hsoftware:
  1. Ignoring/showing indifference
  2. Pretend listening
  3. Selective listening
  4. Patronizing listening
  5. Attentive listening
  6. Active listening
and one level of listening within the sphere of other's hsoftware:
  1. Empathic listening
Ignoring/Showing Indifference
  • This is not listening at all. This happens when one person ignores the other person or shows indifference to what the other person is saying.
  • This is pretty insulting to the other person.
Pretend Listening
  • This happens when one person is making other person believe that he is listening though in reality, he is not listening.
  • There may be several reasons to do so and the person may choose one or more reasons to ignore or be indifferent.
  • The reason may also be that the person lacks the listening skills.
Selective Listening
  • This happens when one listens to only selective portion of what the other person is saying.
  • There may be several reasons to do so and the person may choose one or more reasons to use selective listening.
  • The reason may also be that the person lacks in the listening skills.
Patronizing Listening
  • This happens when the listener takes a patronizing position with reference to the other person.
  • The person listens with a superior attitude; the superiority is drawn from power position, age, hierarchy, money etc.
  • The person listens with an explicit or implicit posture to distribute favor or punishment to the other person.
Attentive Listening
  • This happens when the person is really focusing on what the other person is saying and paying attention and understanding/trying to understand what the other person is saying.
  • This is definitely a better form of listening but most of the times, the understanding of what the other person is saying will be influenced by the listener's own hsoftware (overall mental frame). His understanding may be erroneous.
  • Here also, listening skill is not of the highest proficiency level.
Active Listening
  • This happens when the listener tries to understand what the other person is saying by being interactive with him by giving him the feedback of his understanding.
  • The feedback pertains more at the verbal level exchange of communication between the two.
  • This is done through repeating or paraphrasing of understanding by the listener and transmitting that feedback to the other person for confirmation.
Empathic Listening
  • This is the most effective level of listening.
  • As mentioned earlier, listening is not done just to react, reply, control or manipulate the other person or the situation but to understand the other person properly to respond or act in the best possible way.
  • The listener takes his time to diagnose.
  • He tries first to understand, then, takes action to be understood.
  • The listener puts himself in other person's shoes. The first step to put yourself in other's shoes is to first take out one's own shoes (keep your own hsoftware at bay to start with).
  • Empathic listening is not technique oriented where as the other types of listening have techniques at their base to develop those listening skills.
  • It is value based. It is based on respect for the other person as well as on openness and trust.
  • The listener has to open an emotional bank account in the other person and that's how the person opens up.
  • Listening has to be done with demonstrated intent to understand the other person.
  • The listener should try to understand the other person fully and deeply, intellectually as well as emotionally. It does not necessarily mean that you fully agree with him. Refer: (Emotional Intelligence)
  • Empathy is not sympathy. In sympathy you make other person dependent on you. Here you don't.
  • Only 10% of our communication is by the words we say, another 30% is by our sounds and 60% by our body language. In empathic listening, the listener listens with his ears but also with his eyes and with his heart. One should listen for feeling and meaning.
  • Empathic listening is the key to making deposits in emotional bank accounts of others.
  • Apart from the basic need for physical survival, another basic need of human being is psychological survival- one wants to be understood and appreciated by others, one wants their affirmation and validation. Empathic listening satisfies this need.
  • After this need is satisfied, one can then focus on influencing or problem solving.
For everything you wanted to know on building leadership and management, refer Shyam Bhatawdekar’s website

(Refer our High Quality Management Encyclopedia “Management Universe” at:

For write-ups on other forms of communication refer: (Communication), (Written Communication), (Research Methodology), (Email Communication)

Books Suggested for Your Professional, Organization's and Personal Libraries (All the titles below are available in print form and as eBooks online from Amazon)

Management, Business, Self-help and Personality Development Books

1. HSoftware (Human Software) (The Only Key to Higher Effectiveness)
2. Sensitive Stories of Corporate World (Management Case Studies)
3. Classic Management Games, Exercises, Energizers and Icebreakers
4. Classic Management Games, Exercises, Energizers and Icebreakers (Volume 2)
5. Classic Team Building Games, Exercises, Energizers and Icebreakers
6. 101 Classic Management Games, Exercises, Energizers and Icebreakers
7. Stress? No Way!! (Handbook on Stress Management)
8. HSoftware (Shyam Bhatawdekar’s Effectiveness Model)
9. Competency Management (Competency Matrix and Competencies)
10. Soft Skills You Can’t Do Without (Goal Setting, Time Management, Assertiveness and Anger Management)
11. Essentials of Work Study (Method Study and Work Measurement)
12. Essentials of Time Management (Taking Control of Your Life)
13. Essentials of 5S Housekeeping
14. Essentials of Quality Circles
15. Essentials of Goal Setting
16. Essentials of Anger Management
17. Essentials of Assertive Behavior
18. Essentials of Performance Management & Performance Appraisal
19. Health Essentials (Health Is Wealth)
20. The Romance of Intimacy (How to Enhance Intimacy in a Relationship?)

Novels, Stories, Biographies and Travelogues

21. The Peace Crusaders (Novel: how the peace crusaders established permanent peace on a war strewn planet?)
22. Love Knows No Bounds (Novel: a refreshingly different love story. Also available with the title “Good People”)
23. Funny (and Not So Funny) Short Stories
24. Stories Children Will Love (Volume 1: Bhanu-Shanu-Kaju-Biju and Dholu Ram Gadbad Singh)
25. My Father (Biography)
26. Travelogue: Scandinavia, Russia
27. Travelogue: Europe

For More Guidance, Assistance, Training and Consultation


Also refer:, and

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